Sunday, June 07, 2009

I don't understand people, not at all. There was a time when I thought I had them pretty well figured out. But I was mistaken.
Case in point: The property next to mine has a structure on it that actually is a mobile home with two rooms added on and a porch. It's a common thing to do here in the forest Primordial. Generally when a couple gets married they place a mobile home somewhere on either his or her parent's property. Then when children come along, they just add rooms. Anyway.
The homeowners went through tons of time and expense to put vinyl siding around what was essentially a 30 year old mobile home. They also purchased a little cottage and to remodel, thinking they were going to flip it for a huge profit. (Keep in mind that our county is the most impoverished in the state.) They got a finance company to loan them 50k based on an inflated appraisal of the mobile home. Then the little Mrs. decides that the grass must SURELY be greener in the land of cotton, so they moved kit and caboodle to South Carolina. And said mobile home remained vacant for some 9 nine years.
In the mean time, teenagers began to use the mobile home as a party den. They moved in candles, blankies and other comforts, they also broke out every window that faced the north, punched holes in the walls and just generally made a mess of things.
And the weeds grew up and the whole place began to look like the "Adamms' Family" house, if the Adamms family had been rednecks. April 2009 the Little Mrs. next door returns. And Lo! she has exchanged her old model hubby for a new improved hubby. Old hubby was 23 years older than the little Mrs. sort of a 'Daddy issues' model. New hubby (Spouse.09) is her age but falls more into the category of "I never really lived my adolescent "Love me some Bad Boys" I am doing it now".
Eggs--cept at 47 "Bad Boy" equals "Loser" unless you are a celebrity. And he's not. Jail house tats over a beer belly are so not where it is at. And both of these men are whipped to the nth degree because the little Mrs. is able to control them with the amazing 54 G Boobapaloozas. Seriously, she just points them at men and renders them speechless, their minds become the consistency of oatmeal.
How else do you explain "Daddy issues" hubby allowing her to drag him through bankruptcy not once but twice?
And "Spouse.09"? Well he is living in a house with no windows, no running water and no working toilet. On an unemployment check.
You know what I think? I think I need to get me some breast implants.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf? Not I. But I am a little worried about the little innocuous pig. Or maybe that should be the big pig. As in swine flu. I mean, I read "The Stand". I know what a pandemic can do...I also have read the history books. That, added to the fact that medically I fall into the high risk category tends to make me cautious of people who cough in public Not to mention the walking wounded who drag themselves around the grocery store and to work, certain that they are so mission essential that they workplace would collapse without them.
The problem is that all of these cases of swine flu are being diagnosed after the fact. The incubation period has long since passed. Those little snouted microbes were growing and spreading in the weeks before the CDC started telling us to beware of the dreaded flu and the pandemic it could herald.
Then came the stories of people who thought they were safe because they have little or no contact with actual pigs. Helllooo??? Syphillis comes from sheep....and you can get it even if you weren't on Brokeback Mountain recently. So to avoid confusion, the CDC decided that we should start calling it H1N1, not swine flu. Even worse in my opinion because now it sounds like one of those mutated super bugs that they grow in secret government labs for germ warfare.
H1N1 or swine's out there. Please keep your pigs at home if they are coughing.

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